Judy Mills

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May 15, 2013

The Journey

The words came one January morning. They came after months (really years) of letting go.   Letting go of a ministry role I dearly loved and thoroughly enjoyed.   Letting go of things I wanted – wanted to be, wanted to do.   Letting go of what people thought of me and above all what I wanted them to think of me.    It had been, and continues to be, a journey of letting go all that would supercede what as a child of God is to be my primary pursuit, my first love.

A question had weighed heavy on my heart:  Were the words of Jesus in Revelation 2:2-4 true about me?    “I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance… You have persevered and have endured hardship for my name and have not grown weary.    Yet I hold this against you: you have forsaken your first love.”

Did I love serving God more than simply being in a relationship with God?  Did I love the blessings of God more than God?   Was my relationship with Him more about me than about Him: more about what He could do for me, how He could change me than my knowing, loving and worshipping Him?    Could I be content in this relationship not doing for Him but simply being with him as the Psalmist challenged, “Be still and know that I am God” (Ps. 46:10)?

I knew what the answer should be.  I knew what I wanted it to be.   After months of asking, no, begging God to make my answer His desired answer I began to see a change in my heart.  The words on January 19 would be the first of many reminders:  the ultimate joy is intimacy with God.

Filed Under: intimacy with God Tagged With: Knowing God, Loving God

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