God, You must not want that with me.
As best I recall, these were the exact words I spoke to God in December 1993. I’d just completed Henry Blackaby’s Bible study Experiencing God, an amazing course which included insightful sharing by fellow students of how they had experienced God, heard His voice and been led in specific courses of action by Him. Yet I was saddened that I didn’t share such intimacy with God. My conclusion: God, you must not want that with me.
I can (almost) chuckle as I recall those words and the decision I made to ‘cool it’ with God. At the time they were words said in pain. I hadn’t stopped believing in God. I didn’t doubt my personal salvation. I simply determined there was a level of intimacy with God enjoyed by some, a group for which I had not been chosen. Still today, the tender emotions linger; emotions not only of the pain but the incredible joy as God began revealing He did want a relationship of intimacy with me. AND HE WANTS IT WITH YOU!
God has been pursuing intimacy with mankind since the beginning. According to Acts 17:26-27, “From one man He made every nation of men that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.” Wow! God determine the time we would live, the places we would live so that we would seek and reach out for Him.
As I reflect back over the year 1994, I remember how I craved time with God in His Word. I recall no thoughts of things I would do for God or things He would do for me. I wanted only to be with Him, for I finally saw how much He loved and wanted to be with me.
Since then there have been times of refocusing as God has graciously kept Himself as the object of my greatest affection. He would lay upon my heart: “Do you love Me more than the blessings I give?” “Do you want to know of My righteousness more than you want Me to make you righteous?” Most recently, “Do you love Me more than you love serving Me?” Each time I knew what I wanted the answer to be: “Father, You are my first love! I want you above all else!”
Life’s a journey and if we’ll choose it, it can be a journey in intimacy with God.